OMG You haven't had a real hangover since they coined OMG and funded Uber. You forgot the rules. You forgot to drink a glass of water before you went to bed. For that matter you also forgot to drink a glass of water between cocktails. You forgot to take off the big earrings before sleeping on them. You forgot about the red puffy eyes. You especially forgot that a hangover gets a lot worse before it gets better.
But the birthday party was so fun and the bar so cool. You knew dozens of people. And, yes, you probably shouldn't have gotten up on that karaoke stage with the birthday girl, her mother and six others from your hometown, to sing a song you'd never heard. Do TelePrompTer words turn red while you sing them or before? You probably shouldn't have done that but at least you stood in the back. You should have checked with Len first, the bouncer, your new best friend. Poor guy. He'd hold your cocktail on his tall stool while you wandered outside to look for smokers, to take a break from shouting over the volume. He'd watch you on the sidewalk from his perch at the window. You'd pat his knee upon returning and thank him kindly, like a 70 year old. Wait, what?
You probably shouldn't have asked the daughter of a newspaper columnist, a beaming bride-to-be, how she felt when her father wrote smack about her. No you would take that back or at least rephrase it. You forgot on purpose that you didn't smoke and you wondered if there were any smokers left. Too bad you didn't find the cool inner patio sooner—with trees and benches and lots of people offering cigarettes and vapes. The patio where you could actually sit and hear what people were saying. You probably would have had fewer cocktails if you'd found the cool patio or the dimly lit back room with all the food. Too bad you forgot to eat. Food would have been a good idea.
And you forgot that feeling of momentary morning panic when you glance outside and find your car missing. Bless your little hearts Uber.
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